Who We Are and What We Do
Simply put, we're nerds, if you consider one person to be multiple people. If you're not looking for the simple version, we are people against nitwits designing asinine systems, or PANDAS for short. If you're expecting this to get much more serious than it already is, well, we don't want to spoil the surprise...
The network is designed around the free expansion and distribution of knowledge (not media, we don't give you movies). Many websites on the network achieve just this goal, they're informational. We're not here to make money, we're here to help you out. Therefore, if you get a crappy or sarcastic response to us about something silly that we really don't care about, don't go reporting us to the Better Business Bureau, we don't care about that either (we're not a business, for your information). We believe the best way to spread information is the fun way, which is why you find silly comments and pictures of pandas all over the network (maybe we can get the Google pagerank for the word 'panda'). If you came to this page because you were searching for information about pandas on Google, we're not sorry, we're laughing. But just to be nice, we've given you this excellent drawing of a panda on the right side of the page. Please enjoy it, he's a very special friend. While you're here, why not join our hypothetical PANDAS group? Your membership includes a free hypothetical panda mug and panda t-shirt (not made from real pandas).
Disclaimer: No pandas were harmed during or after the production of this website. We really do love them.
How We Handle Feedback and Stuff
When you send us an email, our methods of responding are carefully calculated based on the situation. Each situation has its own chance that we'll even respond, an appropriate amount of sarcasm to include if we do respond, and what kind of general response we'll actually give. These broad details are provided in the table below, but they are not a guarantee of results. They're only the average result. We all know what averages are, right? Nevermind...
Oftentimes if we're feeling lazy, we'll just use our pre-written response form visible at the right. All that is required of us is to make a few circles and a check mark and it's on its way! Really, it's a lot more effort than it sounds like.
Also, in case you were wondering, we've mentioned the word panda eleven times on this page. Oh, make that twelve! If through all of this you still haven't figured out who we are and what we do, all hope is lost with you. Please delete the image of our panda from your brain (or use
rm -rf /). Oh yay, that makes thirteen! That's not a very good number... Quick, someone say panda and release us of this omen!
|Type of Feedback||Suggestion||Complaint||Question||Spam Report|
|General Response||Thank you kindly for the suggestion and suggest you post it at Enquor.||Some witty response that you probably won't care for.||Try to answer the question so you'll stop bothering us.||Notify that the spam problem has been fixed (if it was our problem).|
|Chance of Response||77%||42%||69%||128%|
|Handling Department||Circus Clowns||None||Super Pandas||Angry Dinosaurs|
Our Typical Response Letter
Sorry about that, sir / mamn (circle one) .
We want you toknow that we took your comments very seriously and we apologize on behalf ofthe pandas for any inconveniences you might have experienced. The issue at hand has been: (check one)
□ referred to a higher power
□ used as toilet paper
□ eaten by a panda
If you have any further issues, feel free to contact us again.
As always, thank you for using / abusing (circle one) Animuson Network!
Have a wonderful / horrible (circle one) day!